Scars of the mind
by cupcakesunshineangel
Summary: Lovino is an anti-social boy who lives in his own world after his parents divorce. And in a feeble attempt to create something close to human companionship creates his own friends. But now as Lovino goes back to school he is no longer able to hide behind his imaginary friends and must face the real world. But he will soon discover the more cynical side of his imaginary 'friends'.
1. Chapter 1

**12 years ago~**

Lovino pressed his hands to his forehead as he listened to mommy and daddy fight again. Why was it like this every night? Why couldn't they just be nice and love each other? His five year old mind reeled as he tried his hardest to answer the questions that plagued his mind. His mind blanked though when he the house shook slightly from the force of the front door slamming signaling his mothers departure from the house.

It was at this point that Lovino finally broke down his small frame shaking from the sobs that racked his body. Even though his parents had stopped the voices in his head continued playing out the scene that had just happened. He wanted to run after his mother scream for her to come back and never leave him. Yet he stayed rooted to his spot letting the over whelming sadness take over and fog his mind trying to block out the reality of what was going on.

He stayed like that until soft steps in his direction brought him back to reality. Wiping the tears from his eyes he looked up coming eye to eye with a cheerful boy. Standing up startled by the others sudden appearance he moved back a little unsure. The other boy approached him until they where toe to toe smiling he pulled the other into a tight embrace whispering soothing words into his ears.

From that moment on Lovino never felt alone. The boy who's name he learned was Romano was always with him. When he was at the park they would play together on the swings and on the slide he was the only friend Lovino had but he didn't care. Romano listened to Lovino even when he was being boring and taking about his parent's. And when Lovino was alone at school or home Romano would whisper in his ear. At first it had scared Lovino because he couldn't see him but soon he began to expect it of the other. And once again he was able to live in solitude from his class mates and family.

But as Lovino got older he noticed that Romano got seemingly more possessive not letting him make friends or be social with his father or Grandpa who he now lived. Sometimes Romano would even be mean to him when he tried to talk to other people. Honestly Romano scared Lovino with how violent he could be. But he couldn't part from the other he was his only friend and he had been there to sooth him when he was upset. He was better off with him than without him and Lovino would never let him go.

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**Present time~**

Lovino grimaced the light in his eyes blinding him as he sat up yawning loudly stretching languidly and throwing his legs over the side of the bed. Standing up he rubbed his eyes and dragged his feet down the hall and slipping into the bathroom. Turning on the shower he hopped into the searing hot water and began to scrub himself down.

_'Good morning Lovi~' _He heard Romano's distinct voice whisper into his ear. Smiling slightly he looked around knowing he was there he just couldn't see him.

"Morning Romano" He murmured back stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel and wrapping it around himself. Before making his way down the hall to his room getting ready for school throwing on his school uniform and grabbing his bag. And making his way downstairs talking to Romano the whole way. Sitting down across from his brother he didn't speak as his food was place in front of him.

His brother had once tried to tell him Romano wasn't real he had smacked the other and then gotten sent to his room. After that he and his brother rarely talked at home or at school but he didn't need his brother he was fine it was just him and Romano. That was all he would ever need.

_I hope that people like this it's my new story so yeah but this time I really am dedicated and I am working on another chapter as I write this Author Note! Romano is the name I am using for Lovino's imaginary friend just so you know. This is the prologue NEXT CHAPTER THE REAL STORY STARTS!_


	2. chest paines

Lovino gripped the counter at this rate he would be late for school and on the first day two. But if he just left the pills there or threw them away his Grandfather would be angry. Groaning he let his head hit the counter with a solid thump and closing his eyes. He didn't want to take them, no he refused to take them. He could so clearly remember when he had gotten the forsaken pills so clearly.

_FLASH BACK MODE ACTIVATED~_

_Lovino sat silently in a chair staring at the ground as his brother played with some toys in the corner of the room. Lately Nono had started taking Lovino to talk to an odd man who scared him. The man would ask about school, friends, and his relationship with Feli and Nono. And then the man would finally get around to what he was building up to his father. Lovino didn't know much about his father but Nono said he was somewhere where they could help him and that was enough for him. But the man didn't stop there he would ask about Romano . Romano didn't like the man and told Lovino not to talk to him but Nono made him so he had no choice. This made Romano angry and he had called Lovino names and pinched and poked him even pushing him down the stairs. Getting up Lovino edged toward the door planning to ask Nono if they could leave but stopped when he heard his father talking._

"_Are you sure Roderich?"He heard Nono ask though his voice was slightly muffled by the door which was cracked open._

"_That seems to be the case Romulus. It wouldn't be surprising things like this run in the familyhis father so its very likely." _

"_Feliciano doesn't have it though?"_

"_No he doesn't seem to show any of the symptoms like Lovino does...But we should still test him who knows."_

"_What should I do about Lovino though. He can not continue like this! He's being physically hurt by this I find bruises on him all the time and a couple weeks ago one of his 'friends' pushed him down the stairs!"_

"_If he's being physically then I'll prescribe him Haldol it's an anti-psychotic it should help as long as he takes it regularly. That's all we can do now if it gets any worse and the medication isn't helping we'll look into a hospital for a short period...for safety reasons of course"_

"_I don't want him to end up like his father..."_

"_Nobody wants that to happen to somebody that they care about. But it's unavoidable if he really is in need of that kind of mental care." _

_He heard a heavy sigh and the sound of chair against floor backing away Lovino strayed back to his chair and sat down. As he tried to decipher the adults confusing conversation he quickly shrugged it off and instead talked to his other friends._

_FLASH BACK MODE DEACTIVATED~_

Lovino heard a knock on the door and was brought back to reality as the door opened

"Lovi have you taken your pills yet?" His grandfather asked entering the room giving him a look that could kill.

"N-no" He said picking them up with shaking hands. The pills. Romano said that they hurt him he didn't want to hurt Romano. Scowling he was tempted to throw them across the room but then he would have to go to Roderich and talk it out again.

"Well hop to it and I'll give you a ride to" His grandfather winked leaving the bathroom for him to finish up.

"Okay Nono" He muttered watching the door close before quickly dropping them down drain and running the water.

_'__Thank you Lovino'_

He heard Romano whisper followed by choruses of thank you that echoed through his head bouncing around. Romano wasn't his only friend of course but he was the only one he could see the others simply whispered to him when he felt lonely. But the other voices where mean and would often hiss insults at him. When he took the medicine they faded and the silence scared him because as bad as the insults where. The silence was ten times worse the silence scare him and made him angry.

He sighed exciting the bathroom and grabbing his bag waiting for his grandfather in the kitchen. A minute later his grandfather ran threw the room in his suit which meant he had to work so he wouldn't check the bathroom. That was a lucky break for Lovino sighing he trailed behind his grandfather climbing in the car. The car ride was silent due to the fact that his brother had chosen to ride the bus today. Once they arrived he climbed out of the car with a final wave toward his grandfather he faced the school dragging his feet as he entered the school.

It was safe to say that the day was boring just introductions and such. The only slightly interesting that happened was at the end of the day. As he packed his things up he felt someone tap his shoulder turning he came face to face with bright emerald eyes.

"Hola! My name is Antonio, you see I'm here to pass on a message from my friends! They told me to tell you to go back to the psycho house you came from." The boy snickered slightly obviously finding it somewhat funny.

Staring at him he felt tears well in his this made the other stop laughing and instead look slightly worried "H-hey they where just kidding! Don't cry it's okay!" He patted the other awkwardly and turned to run.

Of course Lovino was used to this so he simply let the voices lull him back into his happy place. Sighing the hurt still stung in his chest he didn't know why he had heard the insults so many times he could usually just brush them off but this time it was different he just couldn't. Sighing he grabbed his bag and made his way out of the school ending another day. He would push himself through another year somehow he would have to he would just have to.

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_Okay these first five chapters will come fast they just need to be typed and edited and then posted. After that it will most likely take a little longer since I right in class instead of taking notes XD_


	3. and the walls come crumbling down

The rest of the week passed without anymore incidents and Lovino got back into the swing of school. And he was doing good in school well as well as he could do. So he couldn't understand why Roderich the cranky therapist and himself had to meet.

As always the stuffy therapist sat behind the desk his hand folded neatly on the desk with pen and paper lying to the side just in case.

"Now Lovino the reason where here is because Your grandfather says you haven't been taking your pills. Would you like to explain yourself Lovino?"

All they got was silence as he stared at the ground kicking his feet. Sighing Roderich leaned back raising an eyebrow.

"Lovino no one can help you if you don't talk. I know you think that bad things will happen if you talk to me but trust me I am only here to help you." He said smiling a tight lipped smile that he probably gave to all of his patience.

In response Lovino looked up raising an eyebrow "I don't like the medicine it hurts Romano." He muttered staring at the ground.

"Lovino" He sighed "There comes a time where everyone needs to let go of there childhood 'Friends' not because we don't want you to have friends! Its just not healthy for you. How many times has Romano hurt you either physically or mentally?" He was met with silence "Well far to many you can not continue like this. It's simply Unhealthy! You need real people to talk to." Thats what crossed the line Lovino stood up abruptly clenching his fists. He could only take so much of this.

"He is real! He is and you can't tell me different! He's with me everyday and and and I don't need you to sit here and tell me he's not because I know he is!"

"But want to know who's even more real ? Your brother who's scared to death that he's going to lose his brother like he lost father!"

"Shut up! You don't know anything about Feli!"He yelled becoming increasingly upset as he felt the barriers he had built up come crumble down and the voices get louder.

"But I do! I talk to your brother and all he ever asks about is you Lovino! Do you want to live your life not knowing your brother?"

"I know Feli!"

You say that but could your really tell me one thing about him other than the obvious? Could you?"

Lovino fell into his seat sobbing and covering his ears not wanting to hear the other chanting the words shut up over and over again. Squeezing his eyes closed he shook harder.

"That's all for today Lovino but from now on you are to be watched when ever you take your medicine." Roderich sighed getting up to let in Romulus who quickly made his way over to Lovino slowly helping the distraught teen out of the room.

"Keep an on him tonight I fear that I may have pushed him to far." Roderich said jotting down some notes. But he didn't get a reply he knew he wouldn't.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Ugh this is like really short but I'm doing something right now so you know. Hope you guys enjoy. It bothers me though this is like less than a page. Next chapter will be longer **


	4. Meltdown of the mind

Feliciano watched as his brother passed muttering to himself every once in a while stopping and looking around. Watching worriedly he wanted nothing more than to reach out to his brother but it was useless. His brother had refused to take his medication and was now clearly distraught by whatever he was hearing in his head. Sighing he wished no he prayed that he could do something for his brother. He wished he could protect Lovino from this horrible thing that was slowly tearing his brother apart. But he couldn't he felt useless knowing that he could only hope that one day his brother would wake up and be better. His greatest fear was that Lovino would be in a hospital like his father is. It worried him to the point where he would need to leave the house just to get away from the depressing thoughts. He couldn't let his brother fall victim to this he just couldn't!

Lovino gripped at his hair pulling at it harshly as the voices screamed at him there words stabbing him. There hissed insults where driving him to the brink he felt that any moment he would fall over a cliff, he wanted to fall off a cliff at least then it would end this agony. Tears welled in his as he stood up abruptly all eyes where on him as he swayed a little before walking swiftly out of the room. In his wake he left a silent class room.

Running down the hallway he was desperate to get away desperate for this to end! Why wouldn't they shut up!? His mind reeled as he continued to sob muttering the words shut up over and over again. But they wouldn't they wouldn't! Crumbling to the ground his mind fogged over in sorrow as sobs continued to wrack his body.

The only thing that brought him out of this was when he became aware of someone shaking him and asking him what was wrong. Opening his eyes he came face to face with that...Oh what was his name again? He couldn't think straight right now! He was only vaguely aware of the other lifting him up and saying something to him. He continued to sob letting the other lead him. He didn't care where he just wanted it all to stop!

**ANTONIO P.O.V**

Antonio jogged down the hall his normal smile wasn't there though ever since that day with where he had made that boy cry. He just couldn't shake away the thought of his tear stained face as he himself had run away like a coward. He had felt horrible how was he supposed to know the other would take it like that he felt horrible. And he wished he could take it back or at least say he was sorry. But he had yet to see the other all of last week.

And the start of the week was going no better he just wanted to say he was sorry nothing more!Hearing something he stopped in his track looking around for the source of the noise. Lancing down the hallway he could hear the distinct sound of sobbing. Making his way down the hal he spotted a small figure in the middle of the hall. Approaching the boy he squatted down gently touching the others shoulder. But it didn't take him to long to figure out who this was. It was that boy! He didn't know his name but he sure wished he did it would make calming him a little easier.

The first thought that came to his mind was that the he was hurt.

"Hey do you think you could stand up." He said being as gentle as he could towards the distressed boy. Of course he got no response from the other he didn't really expect to.

"I'm going to get you to the nurses okay." He muttered reaching out and stroking the others hair which was kind of soft now that he thought about it. Picking him up from the floor and and holding the boy the best he could. It wasn't that the boy was heavy. No he was far from it if anything the boy was a little to light. He didn't want to make the boy even more uncomfortable though.

And after a while of shifting him and struggling with the boy. When he did get to the nurses he was instructed to set him down and get to class. He was curious though and decided to at least ask one question.

"Do you know if he'll be okay?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yes, yes he'll be fine. Now hurry off to class you already late enough as it is Carriedo." She snapped looking through the cabinets for something.

Sighing he gave up glancing at the boy who had gone quite but was staring at him intensely.

**LOVINO~~**

When Lovino finally came back to something that resembled to reality the school nurse was holding a cup of water to his lips as he felt two pills slide down his throat. Blinking he continued to swallow until the glass was empty the nurse got up from her place on the edge of the bed.

"Are you feeling okay Lovino? " She asked watching him cautiously.

"S-si." He muttered staring down at his lap "Did you call Nono?" He asked knowing the answer .

"Yes he should be here to pick you up any minute now...Would you like to talk to the counselor? Just until you can leave."

Lovino simply shook his head "N-no I just want to lay down." He muttered resting his head back on the pillow. The nurse simply nodded pulling the curtain around the bed and bustling around as some other kid came in with a cough.

Curling up he tried to sort things out in his head. His memories where foggy and he could barely remember getting here! His throat felt sore and his head hurt his check felt stiff from the tears and if he looked in the mirror he was sure he looked like a mess. His scalp tingled from where he was almost positive he tried to pull his hair out.

For a while he laid there in silence the medicine had began to take affect and he was able to think a little more clearly. The voices faded to the back of his head but they didn't go away. They never did. Sighing he sat up when he heard his grandfathers gruff voice and then heavy steps approaching the curtain. Opening it his Grandfather gave him a gentle smile. He hated when others pitied him like now but he didn't bother to say anything.

"Ready Lovino?" He asked holding out his hand for the other. He ignored the others hand and got up.

"My stuff is still in my locker." He said in a very monotone voice scowling at the ground.

"I'll call your brother and ask him to get it for you and pick up your homework. Don't warry about that Lovi..." He said trailing off at the end

"I'm not going to Rodereichs either." He snapped glaring at him knowing that's exactly where hiss grandfather wanted to go.

This drew a heavy sigh from the older man "Lovino. It's best if you go see him he only wants to help you."

"That's what you always say! But I can't stand him! I really can't stand him! All he wants is to send me to a hospital and move on! I can't stand him."

"Huh. Fine Lovino you can have your way this once but you will begin taking your medicine again I won't let this continue."

"Fine. I don't care." He did he really did care he hated that medicine. But he would rather take it than go back to Rodereich. Sighing he walked out of the office and through the the crowded halls his grandfather following him. He stopped though when he felt someone pull on his arm. It was that boy again.

"Wait. I know you must hate me and I'm not telling you to forgive me. But I just wanted to say sorry and make sure that you where okay."

"I'm fine bastard and I have no clue why your saying sorry to me." He muttered .

"W-wait you don't remember?" The other asked startled

"No. I don't even know your name bastard." He said exasperated rolling his eyes.

"R-really." He looked startled and Lovino almost felt sorry for not knowing him.

"Maybe your thinking of my brother?" He said shrugging.

"No your Lovino Vargas right?"

"Yeah but...Listen I have to go." He turned hurrying to catch up to his grandfather leaving the boy in his wake.

**Longest chappy yet so yay! Any way took me all weekend to right this I was busy and stuff so I wrote it late at night or early in the morning. So if it sorta maybe kinda sucks...I don't know what tell you.**


	5. Antonio's Lovino list

**Antonio's P.O.V**

Antonio read his list over for the last time chewing on the eraser of his pencil. Ever since he had met Lovino Vargas, who's name he had relearned through his friends, he couldn't get the boy out of his head. His friends said that he had an obsession but he knew it was different Lovino intrigued him and he wanted to know the boy. He wanted to be close to him but this was something easier said than done. Lovino was a mystery there was no pattern to the way he did sometimes he could look like a normal high school student but then there was the days when he was so out of it and distressed he couldn't even stay in school. So to figure him out he had made a list he like to call the Lovino list. On the list was all of the things he saw when he would watch Lovino. And he was glad to share his list with all his friends even if they didn't care. Reading the list again he tried to sort the things out again.

**Lovino likes to doodle.**

This may not seem odd but to Antonio it was. He would sneak up behind the other when he wasn't paying attention and look over his shoulder. Most of the doodles where violent pictures or undefinable. Looking at them he was confused and puzzled but in away he felt like he was getting a peak in the others mind and this excited him.

** never smiles**

In all the times he had watched the other not once had he seen him smile. And to him that was a shame he thought Lovino would have a beautiful smile.

**Lovino has a twin brother**

He had found this out by talking to different people. Feliciano was different from Lovino he seemed more stable than his brother. But he didn't fascinate Antonio like Lovino did he was to cute for him like a piece of candy. But Feliciano was a good way into Lovino's head.

**Lovino doesn't talk to many people.**

Antonio had noticed that even when Lovino was acting normal he still kept to himself more than anyone he had known. He had only talked to the other on a few occasions while trying to get to know him. But the boy would only say so much to him before walking away either in the middle of the conversation or at the beginning. This didn't stop Antonio though

**5. Lovino drives Antonio crazy**

It was true the other had him in a bind he wanted to become close to him and make sure the other never hurt again. He could remember the times when he saw the other cry and every time it shattered his heart just a little more.

As hard as it was to admit the boy drove him up the wall he wanted him to smile and call each other friends and hang out. Soon he had befriended Feliciano and used that as a gate way to his brother. He would spend time with him and talk to him constantly. Yet he couldn't get to the other he was still a mystery to him. Sighing he set the list down and looked at the boy across the room this was one mystery that would take time to figure out. And he just didn't have that time today.

**AWWWWWW TOOK A LONG TIME TO UPDATE THIS AND IT ISN'T EVEN THAT GOOD. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME **

**;W; I SO SAWWY TO ALL YOU WHO EXPECTED MORE.**


	6. don't be afraid of the dark

Lovino peeked around the corner again watching as his brother and Antonio talk. And no he was not stalking them he was simply observing them. Ya know to make sure the pervert didn't touch his brother inappropriately or something like that! He totally wasn't staring or anything because that would be ridiculous! Frowning he continued to watch them until his brother spotted him and waved him over. Knowing his cover was blown he tentatively made his way from behind the wall glaring at them muttering to himself.

"Ve~ Lovi look who's here ~" His brother chirped pointing to Antonio as if Lovino couldn't already see the bastard.

"Hola Lovi~ I was just asking about you!~" The bastard chimed in.

"Whatever like I wanted to his bastard face." He muttered going to the fridge to look for something to eat.

"Aww Lovi don't be like that he's a guest you should treat him with respect!" His brother chastised him wagging his finger and frowning slightly.

"Oh it's okay Feli! I understand that Lovi can sometimes be a little moody but he's probably really super sweet on the inside~!" The idiot smiled at Lovino and looked like he was going to hug him or something. But Lovino was to quick and pelted the other with tomato's making sure to hit him in the face as many times as possible.

"Don't say those kinds of things! You know nothing about me you bastard I know you like to think you do but you don't! Neither of you know anything about me!" He yelled losing his temper and storming out of the room

"Don't mind him he's just a little cranky." He heard his brother whisper as he left but he didn't care as he stormed up the stairs .

Plopping down on the bed he yawned and fell asleep quickly falling asleep. In his dream world he dreamed of prancing with tomato people and and having a tea party with Rabbits. Yawning he slowly woke up realizing he was surrounded by darkness he began to panic on the side backing up agianst a wall.

Not because he was scared of the dark. No it was what lurked in the dark that scared him. Because the darker it got the stronger the voices got creeping into his mind and suffocating him with there prescience. The once sweet voices that lolled him to sleep at night where now the things that kept him up all night. But the scariest one was Romano he would stand beside him all night making horrible promises such as threatening to suffocate him while he slept if he kept taking the medicine. This frightened him enough so he had stopped taking the medicine again. And when he did he it never stayed down for long.

Never before had he been so scared of Romano his one and only friend was now his captor. He kept him locked up away from his brother and Nono. But before it had been a choice now it was out of fear. He feared for them because he couldn't save them from Romano, he could barely save himself from the demon that haunted his mined. Burrowing under the cover he closed his eyes trying to keep his breathing steady as a familiar hand stroked his hair murmuring

"Remember Lovino I'm the only one who could ever love a freak like you ~ Now sleep soundly my dear because I will be watching ~"

**Took so long to write this and it is so short ;W; **

**Sorry if it sucks I wrote this before bed so... Ugh I'm not happy with how this turned out so I HOPE YOU LIKE IT**

**I DON'T OWN HETALIA OR THE CHARACTERS BUT I DO OWN THE IDEA I THINK **


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